Barbie Got Me Messed Up

Part of being a man is not understanding women. This crops up in every element of our society, which is dominated by men, for men. The thing is, not only do men not truly know about women, but often, we don’t know how much we don’t know. Which is common in many situations for many things. In many ways, it’s uniquely human, because only humans can both know things while not actually knowing them. They call it ego.

Barbie was one of the best movies I have seen recently, at any level. It’s such a brilliantly shot, acted and designed movie that sometimes you forget the foundation it stands on is this perfectly written, perfectly structured script. It artfully moves you from Act to Act smoothly, and there’s never really a sense of a loss of pace. There could be an argument made that the occasional singing and dancing scenes could take you out of the movie, but because this movie is Barbie, I would argue it absolutely doesn’t.

Let’s do our due dilligence and get into this plot- we open with a scene about the evolution of dolls, jumping from the baby doll to Barbie. This is a great sequence, slightly surrealistic, with a good deal of symbolism. Frustrated, repressed young girls, playing dolls in a literal desert. Then it moves into the magic of Barbie and how she changed dolls forever. Because of Barbie, women had newfound power and agency. Except that’s obviously not true. But Barbie doesn’t know this. She lives in Barbieland with all the other Barbie’s and Ken’s, where they are happy forever and ever.

One day, Barbie (Margot Robbie) has thoughts of death, which is a very weird thing for a Barbie to do. She mentions this and everyone thinks she is crazy. Then, he permanently arched feet come unstuck, and she walks flat footed for the first time. Then she finds some cellulite…This all leads to her consulting Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon), who tells her that this means the gate between Barbieland and the Real World has been broken and Barbie must fix it. So she sets out, with Ken (Ryan Gosling) in tow and they enter the real world….

That’s basically the premise and it’s great. The script of this movie does an excellent job of Point A to Point B storytelling while still flushing out the surroundings really well. The dialogue is light, breezy and funny when it needs to be while still being capable of pulling heartstrings when the story demands it. There’s a sense of purpose in every scene, but that purpose doesn’t drag down the story or its execution.

The acting is superb. Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling are phenomenal and have great chemistry. Like, it’s sublime. They light up the screen. It’s a much more nuanced relationship than you would expect. There’s no sexuality in Barbieland, and yet the Kens operate on a mode of hidden sexuality. There’s this great sequence where Ken asks to stay over and Barbie goes “And do what?” and Ken thinks for a moment and says “I don’t know.” It’s a perfect scene that simply illustrates this very complex concept about sexuality and relationships.

Ken and Barbie’s relationship is weirdly toxic. He’s obsessed with her and he’s her best friend…sort of. He like-likes her and she doesn’t really catch on until later in the movie. It’s interesting thing, because one thing that does seem abundantly clear, is that Ken has the capacity for romance but Barbie does not. But even Ken’s weird romantic notions are very childlike and ultimately shallow.

The real world characters are refreshing in that they aren’t as black and white as you would expect. Gloria (America Ferrera) and her daughter Sasha (Arianna Greenblatt) are our main human characters and they have the classic angsty-tween, wistful mom dynamic. The entire root of the problem was in fact Gloria corrupting Barbie with her thoughts of death and fears of aging. It’s a sad but also touching plot point that resonates throughout the film. It’s one of the strokes of genius throughout the movie. I expected their to be a love story element, but instead the film pivots towards death and mortality as key themes. Mind=blown,

Much has been made of this film and its discussion of patriarchy. I think it hits the nail right on the head, or at least the right nail on the head. This is a movie about women, written by women. It’s perspective is informed by their experiences and honestly, I was very impressed by how they conveyed things. There’s a good mix of slap-you-in-the-face patriarchy and subtly’s expressed throughout.

Like, for example, Allan. He’s a great character because he’s so different. Everyone in Barbieland has their own thing going. There’s Beach Ken, President Barbie, Weird Barbie, Tourist Ken…Allan is just Allan, and no one gives a shit about Allan. He’s kind of treated like a complete afterthought, because he is one, and no one bothers to correct it across the film’s entire runtime. There’s no overly happy ending for Allan. He’s just basically a defective Ken. Of all the characters in Barbie, Allan is in many ways the most normal. There’s lot more Allans than Kens in the real world.

Slightly larger picture of these very attractive people.

This is one of the key points that Barbie tries to hammer home throughout the film (albeit, not with Allan.) That as much as these dolls are comfort for many, they sure as shit aren’t realistic depictions of people. Barbie, with the slim figure, gorgeous face, and hair, Ken, classically 6 foot, handsome as hell and by the way, they’re all rich. What are their flaws? They’re dumb? No, not really. Barbie’s even kind of smart. Not only that, there are other Barbies and Kens that are REALLY smart. Barbie and Ken are flawless. Human beings are not.

I found this movie to be extremely…dialed into the public social consciousness in ways other movies aren’t. Like the brilliant “Depressed Barbie” skit-I know girls like that. Watch the BBC’s Pride and Prejudice until you fall asleep? I know at least ten that would do that. It’s the female equivalent to turning your Playstation on and not playing it. It just sits on the landing screen. Men and women aren’t so different, or at least they used to not be.

Will Farrell is in this movie and he’s excellent. His character is the CEO of Mattel, namelessly described in the credits as “CEO of Mattel.” It’s interesting, because regardless of what you think of CEOs, this movie turns it on its head. If you hate CEOs, you’ll be disappointed at how this one is simply a product of a system (patriarchy) and is relatively harmless. If you love CEOs, you’ll probably upset that this one is a total buffoon (in a lovable sort of way.) He’s not a bad guy or a good guy, but he is both money hungry and dumb.

What to get to next….let’s see…..outfits are great (duh), sets are amazing, effects are awesome…..oh yes! The music! How was the music, you asked. How was that song…what was it? I think it went….I’M JUST KEN! It’s great. Baby’s first Floyd song. No, seriously, this song is Queen meets Pink Floyd, from the melody, to the instrumental. Even the visuals kind of work as a Floydian tribute. I was impressed and content with this piece. I hope it wins an Academy Award.

It’s also an important theme in the movie- he’s just Ken. And he wants to be more than Ken. So he brings patriarchy back from the Real World into Barbieland and starts a Kendom. And it’s ridiculous and stupid and hilarious. It’s men and horses and big trucks and brewski beers. Big mean, man stuff. While this is a slight oversimplification of what men do, I loved it. It served its purpose in the movie quite effectively. Hell, ask me to make a counter scene with a female version of this scene and I couldn’t do it as well. I don’t know what the hell they get up to.

I’m not gonna say too much more, because I would spoil the movie one way or the other. But you should watch this film. It’s excellent. I thoroughly enjoyed it and was impressed at the directions and perspectives it took. It’s a much better movie than movie snobs will ever give it credit for. Every scene, every line, every shot…they just hit.

And don’t believe the bullshit about it being for girls. It’s a good movie and good movies are for everyone. You don’t have to be a woman to watch this movie and honestly, if you’re a man you should watch it because you might learn something. Prick. Just kidding, but seriously, you should watch it. As a man, I learned a lot about how women view the world. Well, maybe I didn’t “learn”, but I did feel it very strongly in a new and profound way. It’s one thing to live in a patriarchy, it’s another to see it. Kind of like your nose. We all have one, but your mind is trained to ignore it. Then you see someone with a big nose and you’re like “is my nose that big?”

So, what are you doing right now? Cool. Drop it and go watch Barbie. You won’t regret it, though if you start crying, I claim no liability. I think that’s how that works. Anywho, go watch Barbie. It’s 10/10, would recommend.