This Is Not A Drill: Cheetos Crunchy Buffalo Review

Bag

Went to the store to buy Flaming Hot Cheetos and a vape. BANG! There they were. The new Cheetos Crunchy Buffalo Cheetos. I knew immediately I had to buy some, eat them and write about them. I haven’t even opened the bag yet. Let’s do it. My body is ready. I will not shrink from this moment.

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I opened the bag…they smell like Buffalo wings.I just ate one. They taste…like Buffalo wings with Ranch. I am eating more of them now….brilliant. They weren’t stupid. The Buffalo flavor comes through, the ranch comes through and perhaps the most genius stroke of all, there is an underlying current of Flaming Hot Cheetos. Oh my God, they did it.

The mad lads….a superb Cheeto.The imitation crab of snacks I dare say. It honestly nails the essence of the buffalo wing, minus the wetness (NOTE: the word “moist” was written and then removed). It even has that weird “recoil” where the buffalo flavor kind cools as you breathe between bites and you taste more of the flavor notes beneath the heat. That is an extraordinary feat. I’m picturing the development of this Cheeto, the brave men and women at DARPA who designed this bold and derivative snack, a true monument of American capitalism and culture. Centuries of food sciences, millennia of evolution, and gallons of courage led us to this.

Is it better than the Flaming Hot Cheeto? Maybe not. But this snack is undoubtedly potent. The cathartic heat of Buffalo, intertwined with the cool breezy Ranch, all atop the imperial flavoring that is the Flaming Hot Cheeto. We the people…eat Cheetos. A symbol of American exceptionalism, like stars and stripes, Lana Del Rey, and apple pie. God will remember the day this Cheeto was made, as he tasted it first in his dreams.